Laying in the sun, letting it warm my face. Wrapped up in blankets to avoid the wind. It feels really nice. The sound of Anders doing the dishes in the kitchen nearby is relaxing and a great background for thoughts wandering off.
Thoughts of wants, like:
- control of how and what I feel. I prefer joy and feelings of love, having and being enough. (guess most of us prefer that…)
- to know how this shift of lifestyle and way of life is going to affect me, us and others.
- answers to how our personal economic situation will turn out, like how long our money will last and in what ways we’ll make money in the coming months.
- where we will stay the ten days after this house sit is over.
All of those things pop up while I lay here in the sun, loving its warm caressing beams and enjoying the drifting off to sleep.
Nothing of this is new, or special to the situation we’re now in. Those thoughts pop up in the heads of people living in a house of their own, in the thoughts of people with “steady” jobs, they also occur in parents daily worries.
So, probably, no matter where we are, what we do and how we live, worries and thoughts of lack come up. It happens. As humans that’s one of our most basic “programs” – we’re looking for problems so we can come up with solutions. In ancient times we needed to look out for dangerous animals, avoid starvation, make sure we kept warm and that our families were safe.
These days we still worry, look for dangers and solve problems. Our times just look a bit different, and so does our worries.
A coach of mine, Rasmus, use to say “The answer is never in the how, it’s in the deepening of the understanding”. So, I give myself time, and trust that the understanding of myself, things, situations and life will deepen. And if it doesn’t, that’s ok too. Now I’ll just enjoy and keep on trusting things will work out for the best.