How interesting it is to get to know sides of yourself you weren’t aware of or haden’t noticed before.
Yesterday we were interviewed by a journalist from a local newspaper and I was sweating like crazy almost the whole time. Sure, I’ve worked as a journalist myself for many years and have been in plenty of interviews… the thing is that mostly it’s been me doing the interview and not the other way around.
As I write this I realize I did some quite challenging things on live radio last fall, where I was being very open and personal in talks with others, and that too was at times sweaty and brought up fear.
What actually was going on in me yesterday was thoughts of not getting our story “right” = a fear of not being good enough/being judged or to offend someone. Part of this is a habit of mine to take responsibility for other’s feelings or reactions, which of course can’t be my job – everyone needs to take care of their own best, and how could I even protect someone before anything even happened?
Part of what we “do” as we now sell the house, move out and start travelling is to follow our dream, based upon who we are and what we like. That stands for us and is nothing that we do in order to affect anyone or point fingers at someone, it’s just the choice we do for us.
When those fears show up it’s clearly thoghts of what others might think, say or do that play games in my head, nothing of it is true or real. Just stories made up. Still, they feel very real in the moment.
And I appreciate to be able to see how I tend to pull myself back a little, playing a bit smaller than I usually do, in order not to offend or push some buttons within other people in those situations.
Part of our journey is to live more fully, meaning also embracing those feelings, thoughts and scary things. So, I embrace them as they are and know they’re not me, at least not all of me and not who I am, it’s all thought and our thinking shifts from moment to moment.
Today I choose to be extra gentle with myself and let the growth on the inside settle a bit. // Wivan